


The Best Birthday Present

by niikolatesla



Category: The Young Ones (TV 1982)
Genre: Fluff, Gender Dysphoria, M/M, One Shot, Post-Canon, Trans Male Character, just pure fluff tbh, lil angst but mostly fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-16
Updated: 2016-03-16
Packaged: 2018-05-27 01:10:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6263578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niikolatesla/pseuds/niikolatesla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been four months since the bus crash and four months since Rick and Vyvyan officially started dating. Now, Vyvyan's birthday slowly creeps up on the two of them, and Rick tries to figure out exactly what he wants as a present. But sometimes, the perfect present doesn't come in a box.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Best Birthday Present

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tumblr user Brianenos](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=tumblr+user+Brianenos).



> This is a gift for tumblr user brianenos, who has been a fabulous editor/beta-reader for my pirate radio AU!! Plus, lots of people have been asking for more transgender Vyvyan, and who am I to deny them? 
> 
> Rick and Vyv are far too sweet to each other here tbh but. I don't even have an excuse. I have an awful habit of doing that. Thanks for reading, commenting, and kudo'ing anyway!! <3

Rick really didn’t mind that Vyvyan’s chest wasn’t exactly flat. He didn't mind the smooth curve of his hips or the fact that he didn’t have “bits” and that stubble didn’t rub against his when he kissed him. None of that exactly mattered to him- all that mattered was that Vyvyan was his boyfriend. Dating for four whole months, all beginning from a bus crash, emotional turmoil, fumbling confessions, awkward silence and nervous kisses. Their secret rendezvous started as a one-time experience, never mentioned, until it became twice, then three times, and so on. So far, the best four months of Rick’s life.

Mike and Neil had long since moved out and moved on, both dropping out of Scumbag and going on to do bigger and better things. Rick would've dropped out as well, but Vyvyan wanted to stay, surprisingly, finish up school and become a doctor. Why Rick decided to stay with him… Simply, he had no other place to go. So they continued to room together in the horribly empty sharehouse, but Rick liked to imagine that their passion and romantic shenanigans filled all the empty places- at least, filled those in his own heart. 

With his parents passing, and Rick being the only child from a long string of other only children, he had to be the executor of their wills, and deal with greedy relatives, desperate to grab expensive heirlooms or anything they could sell. The day Rick’s entire family gathered in his parent’s home for the official reading of the will was the day that Rick nearly had a nervous breakdown. Vyvyan didn’t want to come with him, but did so anyway, and then, he saw Rick, standing next to a lawyer, holding the last wishes of his parents, as pale as the paper in his hands and shaking harder than Vyvyan had ever seen. That ordeal ended with Vyvyan screaming at everyone, from the most distant of Rick's relatives to the closest, and even the lawyer. He got them out of the house, ignoring frustrated murmurs of “Who the hell is he?” and “What gives him the right?”, then quickly came back to calm Rick down, holding him tight as he sobbed into his hands. They sat on the plush, living room carpet, Rick surrounded by memories too painful to think back to as Vyvyan kept him close. Neither said a word.

However, it was in that house, tainted by the recent deaths, that Rick realized Vyvyan really did care about him. It was in that moment Rick knew he had fallen in love with him. Maybe that old house could have one more happy memory before it was put on the market. They drove home in silence, but Vyvyan only kept one hand on the steering wheel. The other holding Rick’s hand, occasionally giving it a firmer grasp before releasing, only to repeat the motion again in a few minutes. Rick mused maybe Vyvyan had fallen for him too. Maybe. He wouldn’t ever say.

It had been four months since then, but it all felt like so long ago. It was perfect; except for one, tiny problem. Rick was excellent at remembering dates, and November 13th was etched permanently into his head. Only a day before his birthday, and Vyvyan wouldn't bloody tell him what he wanted! It’s not every day your boyfriend turns twenty-two, mind you! It’s important! A milestone in becoming an adult! A milestone that ought to be commemorated by… Something! Rick sighed as he tried to pry out what Vyvyan could possibly want as they sat on the couch. He sipped back on a beer and focused on the telly.

“Rick, if you ask me one more time what I want for my birthday, I’ll put your head through the window.” He said, casually. His threats had gotten more and more empty since they started dating, and Rick knew it, but it didn’t stop him from keeping his mouth shut. At least for five seconds.

“But, Vyvyan!” Rick tutted. “It’s your big day!”

“No it’s not. My big day’s tomorrow.” Vyvyan said, smiling at his own joke. Having a birthday just weeks after school began had always made him feel a little awkward, what with classmates singing to him and friends smacking him for how many years he was. It was all good fun, but nothing made Vyvyan feel more awkward than being under Rick's scrutiny. Rick rolled his eyes, but Vyvyan couldn’t stop teasing him further. “I can’t believe you haven’t gotten me a present yet.” Rick swatted him on the arm.

“Cos you haven’t even told me what you wanted!” Vyvyan thought for a moment.

“Lots and lots of women. And the Clash. In my bed. Well, not the Clash in my bed… Actually, yeah. The Clash in my bed. And lots and lots of women in there too.” Vyvyan grinned and took another swig of his beer and Rick sat back on the couch, crossing his arms and pouting.

“Well, that’s a little hurtful! And sexist! Am I just not good enough, then?” He said, sulking. Vyvyan set his bottle down on the table and promptly pushed Rick over, using the opportunity to get on top of him.

“Yes, my ridiculously girly boyfriend isn’t good enough anymore. I need a wild orgy to satisfy me.” He said, continuing to smile. Rick still pouted. Vyvyan brought his face down to kiss him on the cheek, but Rick didn’t budge. In fact, he stuck his lip out even further. Truthfully, he knew Vyvyan wasn’t so superficial, but it was worth it to milk it out. Vyvyan kissed him again, this time going a little closer to his lips. Rick tried his damnedest not to react. Vyvyan sighed, sitting up on top of him, then getting a devilish look in his eyes before rightly jabbing him in the ribs. Rick gasped, but Vyvyan kept ramming his fingers into his sides. Even him trying to be playful hurt horribly, but Rick couldn’t help bursting out laughing. Damn him; he found his most ticklish spot only days into their relationship, and since then, used it fully to his advantage. Rick flailed underneath Vyvyan, trying to shove him away as he kept stabbing him relentlessly until he was red in the face and practically crying from laughter.

“Vyvyan!” He gasped, trying to catch his breath. “Stop that!” He shouted, grappling at his hands. Vyvyan laughed with him.

“No! Not ’til I get loads of women and the Clash in my bed!” He teased back, giving in and trying to kiss Rick while he was still shaking below him. He eventually moved his hands under Rick’s armpits, hoisting him up and kissing him hard. Rick learned quickly Vyvyan really did like to kiss, almost as much as he liked to fight. He was much more physical and affectionate than he would have expected- well, affectionate in the only way Vyvyan could be: kissing, and mainly not taking his hands off of him. Either way, Vyvyan’s kisses were to die for. Rick practically melted in his mouth, humming, but still exhausted from laughing so hard. He loved how warm and soft Vyvyan’s lips always were, and just how warm and soft he was in general. He was muscly, for sure, as if his strong arms, firm stomach and toned legs weren’t enough evidence. But he ran hot- he slept with the window open and the blankets only half covering him, which was fine by Rick. That meant his ever-chilled self could cuddle closer into his radiator-for-a-boyfriend. Vyvyan pulled away from the kiss, looking down at his smiley boyfriend fondly. “I know what you can get me for my birthday.” Rick perked up.

“What?”

“You can give yourself a shave.” He teased, ruffling his hair. “Stubble burns aren’t fun.” If Rick wasn’t so tired, he’d fight back. Instead, he put his arms around Vyvyan and sat himself down in his lap, nuzzling up to the crook of his neck.

“How about we laze around in bed all day tomorrow? I think that’d make a good present.” Rick said, kissing Vyvyan’s neck. Vyvyan laughed.

“I think that’d make a good present too.” He responded, lying back, putting his feet up on the opposite arm of the couch as Rick continued to lay on top of him. 

It wasn’t long before Rick was asleep- Vyvyan found that to be common, these days. He teased him a lot about becoming an old man, but it was nice. Simply, sometimes, around late afternoon, Rick just got tired and took a nap. It was disgustingly domestic, and normally, Vyvyan wouldn’t have had any of it. Rick was just lucky he was so bloody attractive- he was sure if anyone else fell asleep on top of him, not after sex, he would’ve punched their lights out. 

However, it was during these times, when he had nothing else to distract him, that his mind wandered. Sometimes it was fine. Sometimes, it wasn’t. He kept stroking Rick’s hair, twisting his plaits between his fingers and trying to pay attention to the telly. “Bastard Squad” had finished a few minutes ago, and “Oh, Crikey!” was on now- Rick had fallen asleep as the last show ended, preventing Vyvyan from getting up and changing the channel. With absolute rubbish on the television, all he could really do was stare up at the ceiling and stroke Rick’s hair and try not to think about the balling, pitting feeling in his gut.

It always managed to creep up on him, even when he wasn’t thinking about it. Even when he thought he stuffed it down for good. It came back like a bad taste in his mouth and stayed until he could drown it out with, with something. Alcohol, a rough shag, kissing Rick senseless, whether to stop himself from screaming or not, he couldn’t figure it out.

What if.

It was just a knot when he first thought about it- rather, when it rudely plagued his mind. A little, insignificant knot, shoved down by a hard “fuck it” and going about his life. And then it grew, and knotted more, its strings fraying and creating more tangles in its mess.

What if Rick thought of him as a girl?

It hardened, eventually, and when it did so, Vyvyan realized it wasn’t fear he was feeling. Of course it wasn’t fear- he was Vyvyan Basterd, and Vyvyan Basterd does not get scared. No, not fear, but dread. He was tired. Horribly tired. So many people in his life had already dismissed him, his gender, his way of life. He was tired of waiting for Rick to become one of them. He dreaded it to no end- for the first time in his life, he actually liked someone, and someone liked him back, for him. Not for prissy, “cute”, little, girly Vyvyan. Not for the girl with hair that was far too long for his liking, done up in pigtails all through his childhood. Not for the flouncing skirts, the Vyvyan that used to reek of femininity, mainly because his mother was simply in love with having a girl. But Rick wasn’t his mum- Rick liked him for  _ him. _ He liked him for who he was now, not for who he was in his past.

Right?

Rick had stumbled on an old school picture of him, when he wasn’t,  _ him. _ At least, when he didn’t feel like him. Why Vyvyan kept that picture, he didn’t know, but Vyvyan quickly burned it after he found it. Rick even brought him his lighter. Rick had to like him for him. He had to. Rick was just about the most homosexual person Vyvyan had ever met- if he thought of him as a girl, he wouldn’t have stayed with him.

But emotions were never logical. No matter how many times he played through thought experiments to assure himself that no, Rick was definitely not going to leave him because he was a girl at one point in his life, it always came back. It was like slowly drowning in sludge, letting inky blackness fill up his lungs until he had an “episode”- that’s what his mother called them. They were more frequent back when he was living with her.

He really hated that he expected Rick to turn into one of those people. Rick would probably go into a monumental sulk if he knew Vyvyan thought that. 

Vyvyan sighed. Four months. There was still so much they hadn’t told each other- at least, so much Vyvyan hadn’t told Rick. Truthfully, deep down, he knew he was Rick’s for as long as he’d have him. He was so goddamn deep in love with him- no one else would have him. No one else would understand  _ this _ like Rick did, or, at least, tried to. And Vyvyan loved him for it. Fuck, he loved Rick. He wasn’t sure if he was ever going to be able to bring up the nerve to say it to his face but he loved him. Rick had never said it either- as far as he was concerned, he was just a lovesick moron while Rick was more or less along for the ride. 

But that couldn’t be true. Rick had stuck around with him for this long. Surely that had to mean something, right? It couldn’t just… He wouldn’t…

“Vyvyan,” Rick stirred. “You’re gripping my hair kind of tight.” He said, his voice still soft with sleep. Vyvyan only just realized his hand was clutched around Rick’s hair so hard his knuckles were turning white. He released it and settled for putting his hand on his back. He looked outside the window, the street starting to fade into night already. How long had he been thinking? And letting paranoia wrack him? “Oh, Crikey!” had long since stopped, the evening news beginning instead.

“Sorry.” He responded quietly. “You wanna get more sleep, old man?” Rick smiled up at him.

“Won’t be able to call me an old man tomorrow, old man.” He teased. They were the same age, almost, Vyvyan only beating Rick by a few months. Vyvyan gave him a half-hearted smile, but didn’t say anything. Rick noticed, picking his head up and looking Vyvyan in the eyes. “Something the matter?” He asked. Sometimes, Vyvyan really missed the days when Rick couldn’t read him so well. He shook his head anyway.

“Nah. Just thinkin’ is all.”

“Uh oh.” Rick said. He was so gentle, always, but Vyvyan was still surprised with how tender he was with him. He felt like that was going to hurt him, one day. Despite his faux anarchist politics and need for everybody around him to know his exact opinions on everything, Vyvyan knew he was far too soft for his own good. A real bleeding heart. Once upon a time, Vyvyan was soft too, until it was forced out of him at the ripe, old age of nine. He knew if Rick still lacked pessimism, after all this time, he wouldn’t get it anytime soon. All the same, he wanted to spare Rick from ever having to harden and become brittle to the world. But Vyvyan knew he didn’t deserve someone as warm as Rick. Despite being something he desperately craved, something stable, constant, and an easy place to land, he didn’t deserve it. “What were you thinking about?”

“Just hoping you wouldn’t drool on my shirt.” Vyvyan said, trying to brush it off. He avoided Rick’s gaze as much as he could. “Let’s just get you to bed. I don’t imagine I’m too comfortable.” He said, sitting up and taking Rick with him. Rick rubbed his eyes, getting off of Vyvyan when he stood up.

“Cliff, I don’t know why I’m so tired.” He groaned, pressing his palms against his face as if trying to rub the sleep off of him. Vyvyan sighed, holding out a hand to him to get him up. Rick held out two hands back. “I’m too tired for my legs to work.” He said, a soft, sleepy smile on his face. Vyvyan’s heart would’ve melted if the anxiety still solidifying in the base of his stomach wasn’t there. Too bloody precious. That was definitely going to kill one of them someday. Instead, he grabbed onto Rick’s hips, effortlessly throwing him over his shoulder. Rick was always a lithe thing- it was somewhat enjoyable to carry him around, a near primal way to tell the world  _ “Look at this. This is mine” _ . It made him feel a little better.

“Soppy git.” He uttered, making his way to the staircase and up to the second floor. Rick hung bonelessly from his shoulder, and Vyvyan was starting to wonder if he was going to fall asleep again. They got to their bedroom (it used to be just Rick’s) where Vyvyan promptly threw him down on the bed.

“Vyvyan, you don’t need to be so rough with me.” Rick whined, rolling over, not even bothering to get out of his clothes.

“Thought you liked it rough.” Vyvyan teased, shucking off his denim jacket and shirt, then starting to undo his binder. Rick rolled back over to face him as he started to get dressed for bed, despite it being rather early for both of them, but Rick felt like something was up with Vyvyan. 

Sometimes it was maddening when he wouldn’t tell him anything- he’d cover it up with humor and go about his day. Even now, he still looked tense, but he’d only be able to tell if he’d been studying the subtle changes in Vyvyan’s face every day for the past four months. Rick sat up, starting to take off his own shirt, throwing it off to the side of the room and taking off his trousers, getting down to his pants before crawling underneath the covers and waiting for Vyvyan. The other got his binder off, then his jeans, then putting his shirt back on, remaining in that and a pair of boxers before getting into bed. It was endearing how modest Vyvyan seemed to be- he didn’t go to bed without a shirt and pants on. At least, until they were stripped off of him and left on the ground, too tired to put them back on after sex. 

Overall, this really was Vyvyan’s favorite part of the day- ending it with Rick. Rather, it would be, if he wasn’t so wracked with nerves at the moment. He threw the duvet up and wrapped it over Rick- it was just how they slept. He was tempted to have some pre-birthday bed activities, but Rick’s eyes were already closed. He sighed as Rick turned on his side, facing the wall, and Vyvyan got in the same position, putting his hot feet against Rick’s freezing toes, intertwining their legs as he put his arm over him, holding him close. It was more or less a tactic to make him feel safer- Rick liked to sleep crunched up against the wall; he liked being enveloped. Tonight, Vyvyan wished he was the one there instead, with Rick spooning him, some sort of promise that he’d stay with him. Rick really was the romantic out of the two of them, but no matter how much poetry he wrote for Vyvyan, it was physicality that reaffirmed him. He wondered if that made him a horrible person or not. Vyvyan started stroking Rick’s hair, idly playing with his braids and feeling the transition from the shaved back to the longer front, and it wasn’t long before Rick’s breathing slowed down. 

Vyvyan wasn’t sure if he was going to get any sleep.

He lay awake until it was pitch black outside, black treacle seeping into their bedroom. He didn’t know what time it was, but he knew he’d been up for a while, still stroking Rick’s hair, touching him, studying him in a sense. He was so quiet- compared to his normal, passionate, political mudslinging and poetry readings, always spoken at a near screeching volume, this was nice. The only sound was him breathing, a little slower, the slightest bit louder than usual. He barely moved when he slept, but Vyvyan blamed that on usually having a pounding workout before bed nearly every night. Maybe today, it was simply because he was tired. 

Ever since they got together, they both began to mellow out. Sure, they could be and still were rough with each other, but Vyvyan hadn’t laid a firm hand on him in months, unless he asked. But things went slower these days- sex wasn’t as fast and furious as their first month. They savored moments and drew it out for as long as the both of them could stand. Not only that, but every day life became so much more  _ pleasant _ . There was a time when Vyvyan would’ve run far, far away from the word, and at times, he still wanted to. It felt wrong, that someone like him could have such a domestic romance. Longest relationship he’d ever been in, first one where the other party actually recognized him as a boy.

Hopefully.

He hadn’t gotten off the topic since he started thinking about it. His nerves still wore thin as he moved his hand from Rick’s hair to over his chest. He pulled himself closer to him, trying to ground himself, maybe stop himself from trembling. It was slight, but he noticed. He figured it was bound to come on sooner or later, and maybe he could stop it if he just got a grip on himself, calmed down, breathed. Breathe, breathe, breathe, it was that simple, but nothing seemed simple when his world was starting to give under his feet and he felt like collapsing along with it. The night was calm, but Vyvyan certainly wasn’t. He tried to keep quiet- he really, really did. He didn’t want Rick seeing him like this- shaking, eyes watering, brooding like some sort of- fuck- like a girl. He didn’t want Rick seeing him like a girl, but he probably already did. What other boy has breasts and hips like his and didn’t have a cock or a strong jaw? Or lacked a five o’clock shadow when five o’clock rolled around and still sat with his legs crossed sometimes, purely out of habit of having to do it so much as a teenager in skirts and stocking and dresses? 

Fuck! 

He took a sharp breath in that was far too loud than he should’ve been. But he felt tears roll down his face and start to wet Rick’s back, his face pressed against the warm skin just for something, anything to keep him in reality. Rick moved slightly and Vyvyan cursed at himself. 

“Vyv?” Rick asked, so gentle, so warm, and kind, and loving and something that made Vyvyan want to retract back into being alone. He was absolutely head over heels for him but moments when Rick knew something was wrong, and wanted to connect with him, and wanted to care about him, Vyvyan wanted to push him away. Nobody had ever gotten Vyvyan on such a vulnerable level as Rick had, and each time they pushed forward it felt like part of him was withering away and blooming at the same time. He didn’t quite know how to feel about it, but his only other past experience of being emotionally honest with his mum. He was never eager to feel it again, by her reaction. Vyvyan was still shaking but crept up to the back of Rick’s neck and kissed him with tremors for lips.

“Go back to bed.” He responded, a nearly inaudible whisper brushed against his ear. Rick pursed his lips, not that Vyvyan could see that. He started to shift, rolling over to face him, but Vyvyan gripped tighter. “Please. Don’t. Don’t turn around.”

Rick was never very good at following directions.

He managed to turn around anyway, despite whispered protests and objections. He looked over to Vyvyan, curled in on himself and practically desperate to wipe reforming tears away. Rick reached a hand out, cupping his face and brushing over his cheekbone. Vyvyan picked his head up, staring back at Rick with watery, deep, blue eyes, catching the faint traces of moonlight from the window. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to pull Rick in or push him away, but Rick made the decision for him.

He wrapped his arms around him, cupping the base of his head and stroking the soft hairs on the nape of his neck he always forgot to gel. Rick was taller than him, only slightly, but it was odd to see it in play. He was able to rest his chin on top of Vyvyan’s, letting him burrow into his chest. He kept as silent as he could be, the only sounds coming out of him being hitched breaths and trembling exhales- Rick didn’t push him to talk. When he stopped shaking, Rick kissed the top of his head and held him close.

“Are you alright?” Rick felt Vyvyan slowly move his head side to side against his chest as a choked sob cleared from his throat. Rick wrapped his arms tighter around him, shushing him, trying to comfort him. 

When he was small, and he had a nightmare, he’d run to his mother, and she’d do just what he was doing to Vyvyan now- holding him close, hushing him, stroking his hair. She’d hold his hand and take him downstairs, making him some warm milk with a sprinkle of cinnamon before giving him a kiss on the cheek and sending him back to bed. He was considering doing the same, since he didn’t know what had gotten him in such a state. He hadn’t ever really seen Vyvyan so upset, and it was a little frightening.  Maybe he had a nightmare? But he wasn’t even sure if they had milk in the house, much less cinnamon. He supposed this action alone would have to do- Rick hoped it was helping. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked. Vyvyan shook his head again.

“‘S stupid.” He murmured, near incoherently into Rick. 

“It’s not stupid if it’s getting you so worked up.” He said softly.

“I’m fine.”

“Vyvyan,” Rick tutted. “You’re not fine-”

“Go to sleep. I’ll be okay.” Vyvyan interrupted, more abrupt than he meant it, but hoping Rick got the message all the same. He started to turn back around, putting his back to Rick and keeping the duvet around him. Rick sighed, but giving up wasn’t in his vocabulary. He scooted in closer to him, spooning him. He kissed the back of his neck, putting an arm around his waist and resting his head against Vyvyan’s.

“Talk to me.” Rick said, trying to keep his voice gentle. “We’re boyfriends. We have to be able to talk to each other.” Vyvyan sighed, but gave in, letting himself be comforted, choosing support over uncertainty.

“Just the same bullshit.” He started. “It’s… I fucking hate my body. It’s not  _ me _ .” Rick was silent for a few moments as Vyvyan wiped away a few more tears. “Told you it was stupid.”

“No it's not.” Rick said. “Vyvyan, you're fine just the way you are.”

“Don't say that.” He paused. “I’m… I'm far from it.” He thought for a moment. What did he even want to say? He felt like Rick should want something, something that he's not, something that he can't become. He was a college student after all- money wasn't disposable. Rick had to have needed something from him that he couldn't be, and it infuriated him. It was maddening that he stayed with him, sometimes; dealing with nights like these enough times alone, and now dealing with them with Rick; it didn't feel right. He felt like he had to do this alone, to go through this pain and feeble depression without help. He didn't deserve Rick. He didn’t deserve his kindness, his unfaltering commitment. His support, his understanding. Fucking hell, why Rick was insane enough to stay with him was beyond Vyvyan. He couldn't have been what he wanted. He just couldn't.

His inability to tell Rick frustrated him even more. Or, rather, his unwillingness to. 

“Why do you say that?” Rick asked, resting his hand on Vyvyan’s arm and giving it a squeeze. 

“Cos I’m not.” He responded, matter of fact. When Rick didn’t say anything, he felt the uneasy silence grow on him until he couldn’t take it anymore. “I just… I don’t know how you could even want me, sometimes.” He took a second to gather his thoughts. It was easier to talk to the darkness than to Rick. “You’re a poof, y’know?” He bit his lip and sighed. “I don’t feel like I’m giving you what you really want.” Rick tutted and leaned in closer to him, wanting to get as close as possible to him. 

“What do you think I really want?” Vyvyan shrugged.

“I don’t know. Someone with a cock.” Rick laughed softly and kissed him again. His lips were never dry, just like how his hands seemed perpetually clammy and his forehead always beaded with sweat when it got hotter than mild outside. Sometimes it felt repugnant- Vyvyan’s own skin was always dry, but they could usually find an equilibrium between each other. Tonight, it wasn’t fetid for the same reasons- it felt too much like comfort, acceptance. 

“I think you’re the one who wants a cock.” He said softly. “I like you and your body.” Vyvyan paused to think. 

“What would you do if I changed?” 

“How so?”

“Y’know. Getting the surgeries, getting on testosterone, getting a cock. All that.” Rick didn’t even have to think to answer.

“I’d still like you.”

“That's stupid.” Rick frowned.

“It's really not.” He said softly. Both of them were silent, yet both of them brimming with something to say. Both of them had so much to tell each other, so many bottled up emotions that they were scared to feel, too scared to acknowledge. Rick sighed against Vyvyan’s hair, intertwining his legs between his and nuzzling his head up to Vyvyan’s neck. Rick wrapped his arms around him, and something dawned on him- it was the most vulnerable of times when it was possible to be the most brave. Furthermore, these things needed bravery, and with Vyvyan feeling so low, it didn’t take much encouragement. Rick took a breath and squeezed him tighter.  “You’re always gonna be my man, Vyvyan. Doesn’t matter how you look.” He paused, gathering his thoughts before letting them out. “I love you.” He said, slightly muffled into the other’s back, but Vyvyan definitely heard it. He felt himself tense up as the word slipped across Rick’s tongue with ease. He didn’t know what to say. Instead, he took Rick’s hand, held against his abdomen, and laced his fingers with his. He sniffled and couldn’t help expelling a breathy laugh.

“Bastard.” He felt Rick take his head up off his back, maybe in some sort of shock, but Vyvyan took the opportunity to turn around, facing Rick and taking both of his hands in his. “I wanted to say it first.” Rick sighed in relief, resting his forehead against Vyvyan’s, his stars digging into his skin, but he could really care less at the moment. They stared at each other, smiling, Vyvyan’s eyes still wet and Rick’s wide and bright, as they always were. Vyvyan pressed his lips against his, pulling him into a slow, passionate kiss. It was long and beautiful, just as their kisses usually were. Rick’s body may have been clammy to all hell, and Vyvyan as dry as a bone, but their lips were always perfect when interlocked with each other. Every kiss seemed better than the last, but, at least for a little while, both of them knew this was going to be their best. Vyvyan took himself away first, but kept close to Rick, holding onto his cheeks and giving him the biggest smile he could muster. “I love you too.” Rick returned the same huge grin and practically giggled, squeezing Vyvyan as he laughed and playfully tugged on Rick’s hair. “You’re still a soppy git!” Vyvyan said, trying to gather some remains of his usual, apathetic attitude, despite Rick knowing he was anything but. He looked up at him with those same blue eyes Vyvyan fell in love with what seemed like so long ago, and he felt himself simply fall deeper into the feeling. He wasn’t sure he was ever going to stop falling for Rick, but he didn’t really care, either.

“But I’m  _ your  _ soppy git.” Rick jested back. Vyvyan rolled his eyes.

“You’ve  _ always _ been my soppy git.” Vyvyan said, almost mocking Rick.

“Always?”

“Unfortunately.” Vyvyan teased, biting the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. Rick looked up at him, and at first, he was hurt, but when he saw the obvious struggle to stifle his humor, Rick rolled himself on top of Vyvyan. He sat up, his knees on either side of Vyvyan while he put his strong hands on Rick’s waist.

“That was mean.” Rick said, trying to act hurt, but trying to tease Vyvyan back. He leaned down, brushing his chest against his and barely touching his lips. “I think you need to be punished.” He tried to say in his most seductive tone. Vyvyan’s attempts to bite back laughter were just getting worse. He finally broke out in it, making Rick sit back on Vyvyan’s lap, looking rather dejected. Vyvyan couldn’t help smiling before sitting up against the headboard, keeping his hands on Rick and staring at him fondly. 

“You and I both know you’re far too much of a bottom to be a top.” Rick blushed instantly.

“I just-! I’m trying!” He justified. Vyvyan kissed his chin.

“I know you are. It’s cute.” He responded. “Can we just do it in the morning? I’m exhausted and you’ve slept twice today.” Vyvyan said. Rick sighed, overdoing it just a bit, then kissed below his forehead stars.

“I slept twice  _ yesterday. _ ” Rick said. He turned towards the open window. “Didn’t you hear the clock tower? Just a bit past midnight, now.” He looked back at Vyvyan, then got off of him, crawling back under the covers to keep himself warm. Vyvyan got back down with him, but Rick pulled him over to his side, keeping him tucked up near the wall while Rick was on the outside, spooning him. Vyvyan could see why Rick liked sleeping so crunched in- it was very comforting, but maybe it wasn’t just the wall, the blankets over them, or the body pressed up against Vyvyan. Maybe it was just the feeling of love between them. He settled in sleepily, bringing the covers up to his face as Rick scooted in closer to Vyvyan, putting his arm over him and holding him tight. 

“Must’ve missed it.” Vyvyan finally responded, his eyes already closed, slowly but surely drifting off to sleep.

“Must’ve.” Rick agreed, just as tired. “Happy birthday, you fascist old man.” He said. Vyvyan could practically hear the smile in his voice, and Vyvyan had to grin back.

“Piss off, arsehead.” He expelled, more of a sleepy sigh than a real insult. Rick simply gave him another squeeze. Vyvyan fell asleep before he did, but Rick was soon to follow. For those moments in the dark, all that mattered was them, and the emotion radiating off of them. Maybe love wasn’t so bad. Maybe it wasn’t as stupid as Vyvyan thought. Maybe, whatever happened in the future, whatever changes Vyvyan made to his body and whatever crazy shenanigans Rick got up to, it could work. The punk and the poet was what Rick liked to call them, and while it never seemed to be possible in his head, reality was far better. Love could exist, and furthermore, flourish between them. Sometimes, Vyvyan had to remind himself of that, but, in the end, all was, and would be, well.


End file.
